Kisses and More

You LOVE giving your mama kisses. It's the sweetest thing ever ever ever. Tonight you were taking turns crawling from me to your grandma giving us kisses in between. You also love to feed people, and animals for that matter. You kept feeding Waffles (the dog) your food. Although, you would only give him a lick not the whole thing.

I love, when you're sleeping I sometimes lie next to you head to head and remember when you were in my stomach. I loved having you grow inside me, singing you songs, and wondering what you'd be like. Taking our prenatal yoga classes together. My meditations were always so beautiful with you there. Having you now is such a blessing. Every day's a new exciting experience. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Strength

God give me the strength to embark on this huge change in our lives. I'm determined to give Zaidan the best life possible. I know I can.

Today was hard, I found out alot of unsettling things.

I'm so better off. This is a blessing in disguise.

A nice tantra poem

Woman is the creator of the universe,
the universe is her form;
woman is the foundation of the world,
she is the true form of the body.
In woman is the form of all things,
of all that lives and moves in the world.
There is no jewel rarer than woman,
no condition superior to that of a woman

Day 2

Day 2 no calls no regards no sympathy from him. Nothing.
We're doing it together Z. I do everything for you. I'm trying so hard to stay strong. I'm only human though. These days are sad and you can sense it. It was heartbreaking to see you the first day. So confused so upset. We're doing better. I love you, Z.

Big Boy

Today we were at the park and you did a great example of problem solving! You saw a small hill that went down to the rocks; you stopped and turned yourself around and crawled backwards! I've been teaching you this on the bed but I've never seen you do the crawl around all by yourself! You safely landed in the rocks and began to play in the rocks (your favorite thing next to sand, drums, and anything musical).

BTW, my new nickname lately for you is Tutti Bello. I decided to find out what exactly I am calling you...

Tutti is an Italian word literally meaning all or together. It also is a musical term that refers to when the orchestra continues to play after a solo.
Bello means attractive.

So your nickname basically means all together attractive ;-) So true so true.

We're at grandma's now taking it easy. You're sleeping so soundly and I'm already missing you, loving you every minute of our days. Sleep tight sunshine.

Journal from California Workshop

First thanks to the mamas who send their warm regards. That's so sweet of you. I'm embracing my inner Shakti and beautiful goddess, and will not let this selfish act ruin my life.

Anyways, here is something I wrote while in CA during the workshop as part of a short assignment. It's all about you Z.

Your fertility and what you’re planning to conceive:

My fertility is abundant and surprising. It’s heart is open and hopes to conceive again in the far future.
For now I am planning to conceive the best life for my baby Zaidan.
I want to show him a beautiful world where peace is evident. Where he can love and be loved. He is my conception and I’m here to bring the best life possible to him. He is my joy, my honor. He makes me a better person.

Fertility unknown
In Himalayas untouched
Your womb is ready your heart is open
Run with the wind
It will show you the way
Don’t be scarred
You won’t be let down
Life is peace
And inside you it grows

First Day of Our New Life

Last night I came home from trick or treating with Zaidan - the cutest little pumpkin you ever did see. I came home to all of Mostafa's stuff gone. Yes we've had our problems, and this is all probably inevitable; but to just pick up and leave without even saying goodbye to your son is cruel and hurts me. I don't know if he ever really could be a family guy. He's 37 yrs old and will not settle.

I'm so lucky to have you Zaidan. You woke me up with a million kisses this morning as if you knew mommy needed extra love. Last night was hard we both cried. I'm sorry Zaidan you had to see me like that. We are all human. I promise to be strong for you. I will be everything for you and give you all the love you need. I LOVE YOU ZAIDAN@

A season of firsts

Dear Zaidan, yesterday on October 26 you cut your very first tooth. It's still growing and getting bigger, but you are officially on your way to having a tooth filled smile!!

This morning you made us all so excited by clapping and you are clapping like there's no tomorrow! Now we look forward to seeing your baby signs.

Well we're off to your very first trance dance with Govindas and Shiva Rea. I think you will love this because your favorite thing to do is play drums, maraccas, and rhythm sticks.

OK, off we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

California Inferno and Hello Shakti

Well we arrived in California on Tuesday. You were great on the airplane! You were a bit squirmish and excited by the new environment. But right after takeoff you nursed and went straight to sleep for 2 hours. You woke up and had a playdate with a cute 10 month old baby in the back of the plane. Your dad has been a tremendous help on this trip and i"m really lucky he's come along and postponed his trip to Jordan.

Yesterday we walked about 6 miles switching off wearing you since we did not bring a stroller, and let me tell you; YOU ARE A BIG HEAVY BOY!!!

We walked along the Venice Canals. We walked along the boardwalk and took you to the playground and to the beach to play futbol in the sand with daddy. You love your futbol! You were one dirty sandy boy!

You've been sleeping great here. I know having our wraps and sheets from home helps with this.

I started my training to day with Shiva Rea. She is a goddess and so beautiful and already this is a life changing experience. I'm so happy I came here to do this. It's unlike any yoga class I"ve ever taken before! Today we started with sojme chanting and then yoga trance dance. It was great.

Your dad is taking such good care of you and you guys are going to have so much fun at the beach! I love you both so much!

Oh btw, the whole of southern california is on fire and there is lots of smoke in the air; but we're keeping you safe and praying for those affected by this.
Salaam.

Memory Lane

Some photos of your dad's childhood. Most of his childhood photos were burned in a fire :-( Here's a look at your dad long ago - you do look like him as a baby :-)

So many new wonders

Today you had a special boys day out with your papa! He took you to the sprinkler park for the very first time and you were in heaven!! You were the only crawler there and you were crawling through those fountains like you were in water training! We plan to take you back this week.

I also bought you your first container of bubbles. Now, mommy has a sort of affinity towards bubbles having done a video project in NYC comparing internet communication with bubble communication by blowing bubbles from a window in the East Village. It was most amusing and profound. Nevertheless, we love bubbles and now so do you!!! You are very perplexed by the bubbles and breathe very deeply when you see them. So far I'd say you are in awe of these miraculous bubbles coming from the magic wand!

Last night we went to Central Market to listen to your favorite genre of music - Indian music. Luckily it's mommy and daddy's favorite too. I've managed to teach you some of my Balinese dance arm movements. Now when we play you music you move your arms in waving motion. Your first dance move!!!!! Hoorah!

How Chanting Got the Babe to Sleep

Lately it seems me chanting "Ong, namo, gudu dev, namo" gets you to sleep pretty easily during the day. At night it's usually a mix between chanting, singing, wrapping, nursing, wrapping again, then finally nursing - and your asleep! Seems a bit much as I reread it, but I can't let you cry it out. I guess I take the AP thing to heart when it comes to sleep.

We have also almost won our first battle with a rash. We did a combination of: oatmeal baths, burts bees resq ointment, ed's natural salve, calendula diaper cream, and my favorite;-) letting you crawl around naked alot.

We are planning our first big trip to California. You and daddy get to hang out in Venice Beach on the boardwalk with all the cool artists and musclemen while mommy does her pre/postnatal yoga training. That's right, I'm doing something for mommy!! The schedule is actually very accomadating to us and I'll be back in time for nursing and all bedtimes! I can't wait to go shopping and get a good haircut (I'm just not feeling the love for Texas stylists and wish I could fly to NYC every time i need a cut!)

You are talking alot now!! You love your puppet shows. You are one fast crawler! The other day at our baby weights workout class you attacked two little girls with your funny open mouth kisses. They did not enjoy it as much as you did.

Tomorrow we are going to the water park, and later in the week it's off to grandma's for her birthday!

Photo Slideshow

My Dear Big Boy

Mommy is so tired these days i"m sorry for not writing. We have been very busy the past few days. We had a playdate with all of your friends on Friday. I've also been taking you to the playground alot. You love exploring there. So far Shipe is our favorite bcs it has lots of soft ground to crawl on. I plan to take you to the Barton Springs playground soon to explore since we haven't been there since you were 6 months.
Also, this week we are going to the new water park on town lake to explore!

You love to pull yourself up on all of the furniture. You really want to walk, but are content hanging on the furniture :-)

You also love exploring outside touching the leaves and the flowers, shaking the tree branches. You understand me pretty well when I say "No eat leaves" so that's good.

Today mommy started rollerblading in her quest to work off the baby weight. It was so fun, and you loved how fast the stroller went with me on wheels.

Tomorrow we go to yoga class. I'm so happy to get to a yoga class!!!

You're sleeping soundly and I already miss you. Night night.

Long Time No Write - So much to say!!

Well Zaidan, I'm sorry for not writing in so long. Daddy's been in town and I've been enjoying my free time while you and daddy get reaquainted. You sure do love playing with him! He makes you laugh SOOOO much. He loves wearing you in the wrap and taking you to the coffee shop to hang out and have boys time.

You started crawling full fledge while daddy was here. And you also started pulling yourself up onto all the furniture! We completely rearranged the living room and went to Ikea to organize the house even more. You really want to walk I can tell :-)

You love blowing raspberry noises all the time. You simply love grandma's silly dog Waffles. You don't like when mommy leaves the room. And your teething again, though it subsided today so I don't know maybe you'll be like your mama and not get your first tooth till 1 year!...

Daddy left a couple of days ago for Washington; and you and I packed up the car and went to grandmas where you love to swim and play with your aunties and uncles all day. It's much different than being at home!

Baba is climbing Mt Baker while in Washington, and I hope when he comes back I can convince him to move to Washington! I really want to move somewhere different - either NYC (that's probably most unrealistic), Washington, or Florida. I'd rather be up north though with the 4 seasons. I miss the snow and want to build snow men and angels with you soon!

Right now we're planning our trip to Florida to see Grandpa Riley. That means you get to go to your favorite place (so far) in the world - THE BEACH!!

I'll post new photos soon of you in your Scotland Rangers Football uni. You'll make daddy's friends so proud!!!

I love you my sleeping baby!

Daddy's back and Mama Slept!!!!!

Well, your papa came home last night on an airplane from London, England. We went to pick him up at 7:30 pm, and you were not very happy on the way back :-( You're Auntie Zoe shushed you to sleep after a long bout of crying. You woke us up at 6:30am this morning giggleing, cooing, and climbing all over us - I guess you wanted to show your daddy your new mountain climbing skills!

You papa brought us back amazing gifts from around the world!! You have a whole new wardrope, lots of Arabic books and cds, wooden toys, African baby carriers (kangas) and more!!

Here is the website to the wooden toy shop in Edinburgh that your daddy bought your airplane from www.pinocchiotoys.co.uk

You're so happy to be reunited with your papa. You two boys let mommy take a 3 hour nap and I feel like a new woman!@@!!! It's so nice to have our family back together and for mommy's arms to finally rest a little. We love you so much!!

Working on Your Christmas List

OK family, I've started our Christmas list :-) Never too early!

Click on the links below
Fun activity center!
MIRROR!
Armadillo CAR!

CARS!!
blocks!

Child's (baby's) pose

You are sleeping so soundly in a modified version of child's pose. I was just staring at your tiny feet, which have gotten so much bigger but are still so tiny and will only be so tiny for a little longer. Tonight it was harder getting you to sleep - you were fighting the sleep. But finally after wrapping and nursing and back to wrapping again...and then nursing again... and again and so forth; you fell asleep into your baby dreamland.

Your papa is in Scotland now. Today we went swimming with your baby friends and then we got the rest of your cloth diapers! Finally we are a very eco-conscious family and I don't feel guilty every time I change your diapers!!

You now love your blocks and watching mama stack them up into towers and then knock them down. You were laughing in hysterics like I've never seen you laugh! Tomorrow I'm taking you to our local wooden toymaker and you can pick out one toy! Lucky boy! AND your daddy is bringing you back a whole duffle bag of gifts from Africa, Jordan, England, and Scotland! I hear there's a harmonica amongst many other fun treasures!!

Alright my sleeping boy. I can't wait to see you soon. You are my joy. Good night.

New Photos Are In

The ultimate beach baby




Here you are with your best baby friends:
Addeline, Owen, Oliver, Zaidan, Hollis, and Henry

FYI

Some of your knicknames that are sweet now, but later in life you may be embarrassed:
Zeezu, Zuzu, Mr. Furly, Teetu, habibi, Monkey, Pumpking Pie

When I wear you in one of our carriers I always ask you if you want to get back in mommy's belly.

When daddy calls to talk on the phone you clam up and just smile at the phone.

When you hurt yourself, as long as I put your head to my heart, you feel better and stop crying.

I miss you when you're sleeping. Your my little buddy, my joy, a wondrous miracle. I"m so lucky to have you in my life Zaidan. Your mommy and daddy love you so much!

Can barely type

...but I haven't written in a while so i'll make it quick. I drove back from grandma's today and as always that drive just wipes me out. I think it's the drive combined with unpacking and my sweet son who does not like to sleep in changed environments.

mo officially returns sept 3!!! he will have his greencard within the month that he returns!! Humdillilah!!!!!!!!!!

Z's so funny these days. he screams alot in excitement and i always say he's having a baby party. party animal is he. he crawls like one step and then flops on his belly too. It's so exciting to see him developing.

i'm hosting a baby playgroup on weds so that will be fun to see all the little baby heads together again.

OK, must get some sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Godmama Photo Shoot

Well Zaidan, you are the luckiest boy in the world because your godmama is a professional photographer. You will have a chronicle of your life, well for the rest of your life!! She also taught you how to play peekaboo by yourself. Your Scottish godpapa will be coming to visit us in America very soon. Maybe you can pick up on his adorable accent? Here's some of my favorite photos from the shoot, I'm also adding some photos she did while you were in my belly!
All photos are copywright Jenn L. Warren www.jwpictures.net

My Son:


Ma'Sal a Khir, ya basha! You look like you're in an Egyptian film smoking the hookah!


How to calm a fussy baby: Breathe deep and make like a tree


Laughing it up


All wrapped up - night night!

Sad News

Today there is some very sad news. A little boy that I used to babysit for who is now 18 was found dead in his car. It was a very bad car accident early this morning. His car hit a tree, and they believe he was drinking and driving.

Kids get their license so early in America. It's such a big responsibility to drive a vehicle. I hope Zaidan, when you are old enough to drive you will make good decisions when you get behind the wheel. If for some reason you've had too much to drink, call a cab, or even call mom or dad to pick you up. We'll be happy that you made the right decision to call us instead of putting you and someone else's life in danger.

Mark left this earth early in his life, and I'm so sorry for his family's pain. I only hope more people will learn from these tragic mistakes to prevent them from occurring in the future. So long little boy, Mark. You are always in my memory.

First time at the Beach!!!!!!

Zaidan loves the beach! You were so calm and excited - you were in a beach zone playing in the sand, eating the sand, splashing in the water. You were so adorable! Maybe one day we can move to the beach since you love it so much! Our last day at the beach we went very early in the morning and saw a school of dolphins chasing after a fishing boat!! It was so beautiful.

I can't wait to take you back to the beach.

The Godmother Meeting

Well we're at grandma's and I got to see my godmother Darlene after 17 years! and Zaidan got to meet his godmother Jennifer for the first time! It was a very fun day indeed.

Everyone kept telling me they could not believe what a great baby Zaidan is, and I of course attribute it to our babywearing as it has made a comfortable transition for him from womb to the world :-) Whenever he's fussy if I just pop him in the wrap he's as happy as pie.

We drove Austin to Houston and Z slept most of the way - we stopped once for a milk fill up and for mama to eat. We spoke to daddy today. He's good. We miss him alot. I hope we will be reunited soon as a family. It's a long wait, but there's nothing we can do but be patient :-(

OK, we're off to sleep now. Hopefully Z and I will do OK sharing a queen sized bed since he's such a Rolly-Polly these days!!! I love kissing and cuddling him so much. Sigh, you are so sweet and precious little one.

One Man Band

Sometimes I feel like a one man band. And let me tell you playing all those instruments 24hrs a day is exhausting! I can barely move right now, but last comic standing is on, and well I like to laugh.

Z and I went to our baby playgroup today. Oh the babies are so cute together! It rained hard again today. Z loves sitting outside and watching the rain. He also will stop all crying and fussing if you sing Row Row Row your Boat. I think he likes the sound repetition. he also loves Old McDonald

Our daddy is in Jordan now and safe. We hope he comes home soon :-(

Anyways, this one man band hears a baby crying

Summit Night

Well Zaidan, your daddy just called from the top of Mt Killimanjaro! He sounded very happy. I sounded very tired. He sends you kisses all the way from Africa.

You are teething now so it is very painful for your poor baby gums :( Mummy has to hold you alot. You were up till 11 tonight and finally fell asleep in the wrap. You were screaming and laughing while I did my Kundalini yoga :-)

Today you went and swam in Deep Eddy for the first time - it's very cold but you LOVED it!! Everyone was laughing with delight at how good you kick your feet!! You are the sweetest baby ever and I"m so lucky to have you in my life. I thank God everyday for you and your daddy. I must go to sleep now bcs I am soooo tired!!! Hopefully you'll let me sleep in and won't roll all over me all night long! Kisses to you and your daddy.

6 months Photos

Cute as a Button

Zaidan, you are simply the cutest ever ever! I just put you to sleep. You do the cutest thing now before you fall asleep: you put your arm ontop of my boob covering your eyes at the same time - that's how I used to sleep too!

I went out with Jenny to have some GREAT mexican food tonight. Z wore his adorable Scottish hat and sat in a high chair for the first time. He was great at the restaurant!! We went swimming earlier today and it really wore both of us out!

We got a call from daddy today. Tomorrow they will move to high camp. He sounded the best I've heard him on the mountain. I guess it's an easier climb than what he's used to! Anyways he says he misses us alot and that's always nice to hear.

I need to sell something else so I can fund a new Storch wrap. Z is getting too heavy so I need to get something more supportive! I'm addicted to babywearing!

Date Night With My Baby

Tonight I got all dolled up, did my hair and GASP makeup!!!! put on a dress and took my baby to hear some good Ska music at the Texas History Museum. It brought back memories of me playing saxaphone in a ska band. Z wore his headphones and someone came up to me and said "way to be a cool mom!" That made my night.

I missed a call from Mos on the mountain this morning :-( my volume was off so I did not hear it. They will attempt to summit on Sunday. So hopefully I'll talk to him in the next few days.

Z fell asleep in the Moby Wrap, brought back such fond memories of him as a newborn in it - i can't believe how big they get!!!!!

My wrists are killing, so i'll stop typing now and say good night.

Kundalini Yoga How Quickly I forget

Ah, the kundalini yoga how it changes my mind, my back, and well, my life. I forgot how much I loved practicing it. I rented a great Kundalini dvd and it made me feel so much better!

Zaidan is doing great. Sleeping so sweetly. He fell asleep in the wrap today on our nightime walk. I love when he sleeps in the wrap, he's so snuggly and it reminds me of when he was a newborn. I'm going to miss him being a baby!
We went swimming today too - he loves the water ssssssoooo much!

Today was definitely a better day than yesterday. We stuck to our schedule, I took a nap :-), and of course the kundalini.

My most important yoga lesson of the day: when your mind is jumbled with negative thoughts clear your mind by repeating "Sat Nam." It works great!

Wherever you are Mostafa

Wherever you are Mostafa, on some mountain looking at the beutiful African horizon, I am here alone raising our son. It's not easy everyday. In fact it gets harder and harder and harder. And there you are travelling the world living your life having fun. I cannot do this anymore. I cannot be married to someone who's a visiting relative to our son. It's time to make some changes in our lives, Mos. I"m sorry to say, but I cannot handle another year of your mountain climbing. I CANNOT. I want our family to be together not apart. Please fix this. Please help me. I want to be a good mom, but it's hard when you're the mom and the dad.

All things Zaidan

Zaidan is so hilarious for me everyday. I just checked on him sleeping and he was chewing on his tongue and making this hilarious old man face. He loves stuffed animals, little dogs, and birds. Everyday he gets bigger and bigger. I love watching him discover new things.

Daddy called today; we won't hear from him for a week or so as he's in the mountain and not using his sattelite phone. We'll go on as usual following our schedule, but of course always thinking of him and praying for his safety.

Developing our schedule: an impressive work in progress

So today's schedule I think is THE one! We had a great day. It goes as follows, and will of course require some tweaking and more advanced scheduling in the days to come (dad this is a good reference for you for when you return from the mountain):

8-8:30 Z is very awake while mama lies in bed slowly waking up

8:30-9 Playtime for Z while mommy cooks her breakfast

9-9:30 Mama and Z eat breakfast together

9:30-10 Babywearing time! while mama cleans up and makes her juice. Then we go on our morning walk.

10-12ish Morning Nap for Z and mama cleans the house.

12-3ish Activity time. Definitely some babywearing and playtime, then maybe the pool or shopping or a baby playdate or a long walk

3-5ish Afternoon Nap

5-6 Excercise time! Mama goes jogging with Z in stroller

6-6:30 Dinner time for baby and bathtime.

6:30-7ish Babywearing and walking

7ish Goodnight baby Zaidan!

The Days Get Longer...

Today was a very LOOOONG day. First I made the mistake of NOT juicing early in the morning...I have now learned to never forget my early morning juice!

I took Zaidan's morning nap with him because I had the grand idea to go running for the first time since I got pregnant.... SO off we ran around town lake. We went to the park at Barton Springs and played the jumbo xylephones - Zaidan is LOVING music! He now sits at his baby piano and pounds on the keys. It's adorable.

I"m missing Zaidan's 4 hour naps! He's cut them down to 2 hours at a time lately. He also now likes being walked to sleep for bedtime. Well, he just likes me walking him period. We took 4 walks today! When Mostafa's gone I'm certainly in better shape bcs he loves walking Zaidan when he's here - it's their special bonding time. We are missing our daddy that's for sure. He arrived in Tanzania today to climb Killimanjaro. I wish I was there, I'm dying to see Africa... But delaying Z's vaccinations has me a bit trepidatious to travel anytime soon.

Zaidan ate lots of apples today. I think his favorite food is peaches so far. We're going to try the zucchini soon, but I"m not sure how he'll take to the non-sweet veggies...

He makes me laugh so much. He's a real spitfire, very determined to get what he wants. I think these are early signs of his personality coming out.

I hope we can make it to morning yoga tomorrow...Zaidan's naps just do not permit me usually :-( Om mama's just going to have to practice at home.