Kisses and More

You LOVE giving your mama kisses. It's the sweetest thing ever ever ever. Tonight you were taking turns crawling from me to your grandma giving us kisses in between. You also love to feed people, and animals for that matter. You kept feeding Waffles (the dog) your food. Although, you would only give him a lick not the whole thing.

I love, when you're sleeping I sometimes lie next to you head to head and remember when you were in my stomach. I loved having you grow inside me, singing you songs, and wondering what you'd be like. Taking our prenatal yoga classes together. My meditations were always so beautiful with you there. Having you now is such a blessing. Every day's a new exciting experience. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Strength

God give me the strength to embark on this huge change in our lives. I'm determined to give Zaidan the best life possible. I know I can.

Today was hard, I found out alot of unsettling things.

I'm so better off. This is a blessing in disguise.

A nice tantra poem

Woman is the creator of the universe,
the universe is her form;
woman is the foundation of the world,
she is the true form of the body.
In woman is the form of all things,
of all that lives and moves in the world.
There is no jewel rarer than woman,
no condition superior to that of a woman

Day 2

Day 2 no calls no regards no sympathy from him. Nothing.
We're doing it together Z. I do everything for you. I'm trying so hard to stay strong. I'm only human though. These days are sad and you can sense it. It was heartbreaking to see you the first day. So confused so upset. We're doing better. I love you, Z.

Big Boy

Today we were at the park and you did a great example of problem solving! You saw a small hill that went down to the rocks; you stopped and turned yourself around and crawled backwards! I've been teaching you this on the bed but I've never seen you do the crawl around all by yourself! You safely landed in the rocks and began to play in the rocks (your favorite thing next to sand, drums, and anything musical).

BTW, my new nickname lately for you is Tutti Bello. I decided to find out what exactly I am calling you...

Tutti is an Italian word literally meaning all or together. It also is a musical term that refers to when the orchestra continues to play after a solo.
Bello means attractive.

So your nickname basically means all together attractive ;-) So true so true.

We're at grandma's now taking it easy. You're sleeping so soundly and I'm already missing you, loving you every minute of our days. Sleep tight sunshine.

Journal from California Workshop

First thanks to the mamas who send their warm regards. That's so sweet of you. I'm embracing my inner Shakti and beautiful goddess, and will not let this selfish act ruin my life.

Anyways, here is something I wrote while in CA during the workshop as part of a short assignment. It's all about you Z.

Your fertility and what you’re planning to conceive:

My fertility is abundant and surprising. It’s heart is open and hopes to conceive again in the far future.
For now I am planning to conceive the best life for my baby Zaidan.
I want to show him a beautiful world where peace is evident. Where he can love and be loved. He is my conception and I’m here to bring the best life possible to him. He is my joy, my honor. He makes me a better person.

Fertility unknown
In Himalayas untouched
Your womb is ready your heart is open
Run with the wind
It will show you the way
Don’t be scarred
You won’t be let down
Life is peace
And inside you it grows

First Day of Our New Life

Last night I came home from trick or treating with Zaidan - the cutest little pumpkin you ever did see. I came home to all of Mostafa's stuff gone. Yes we've had our problems, and this is all probably inevitable; but to just pick up and leave without even saying goodbye to your son is cruel and hurts me. I don't know if he ever really could be a family guy. He's 37 yrs old and will not settle.

I'm so lucky to have you Zaidan. You woke me up with a million kisses this morning as if you knew mommy needed extra love. Last night was hard we both cried. I'm sorry Zaidan you had to see me like that. We are all human. I promise to be strong for you. I will be everything for you and give you all the love you need. I LOVE YOU ZAIDAN@